04.29.08
Hit The Hard Button Instead
Try hitting the easy button. Put the big red button under your desk at work or at school, and when you’re bogged down, try hitting it. Make your life a little easier. It’s what we all want, right? For something like that to actually work? Well we do have an easy way out, it’s called technology. People think that technology makes things easier, and I guess that’s undeniable. Where these people go wrong is when they think that this is a good thing. Easy doesn’t always mean better. In fact, easy often means worse. The rapidly growing technological age is a major contributor to crime. It makes it easier for criminals to evade the police. Easier for stalkers and hackers to follow our every move. Is this really the society we want to be living in, raising our children in? A society where TV shows tell criminals exactly how to get away with crime, and cell phones make it easier for people to track you?
Take, for example, the television show CSI. Every episode begins with a crime scene. Detectives enter the room and search it for evidence. The criminals they portray in this show are extremely intelligent and make almost no mistakes. However, in order to make the show interesting the detectives always find a flaw in the plan, and catch the criminal. Imagine yourself as a criminal, looking for a way to get away with your next crime. Why wouldn’t you sit down in front of the TV and watch CSI? Figure out the mistakes that those in the show made, and make sure you don’t make the same mistakes. If you follow the carefully set guidelines CSI has given you, you could easily get away with your next crime. Oh, and if you’re having trouble coming up with a brilliant idea for a crime, just watch CSI. It gives you plenty.
Suggesting that television is the root of crime problems is over-the-top. However, television is a major factor influencing the rising rate of crime, and that is undeniable. According to Statistics Canada, the crime rate has increased by 6% since 2001 – CSI was released in October of 2000. 1939 was the year when commercial television launched. In the United States, television became more popular in the 1950s, when the crime rate was at about 4.6, and by 1980, the crime rate had shot to 10.2. It is safe to assume that crime rate has increased because people are getting more and more ideas for crimes from television. Criminals can commit more crimes because they are getting smarter. They are watching these television shows and learning how to not get caught, and as a society we are allowing these shows to air. We are giving them the ratings they need by watching these shows. We are directly linked to the rising crime rate and we need to take responsibility. Our reliance on technology and simplicity in our lives is dangerous.
The incredibly popular obsession with cellular phones isn’t helping us much, either. Teens trying to text their friends without the teacher catching them, people calling and answering their phones while driving home, or to work, or to school. It’s ridiculous. And stalkers are using your cell phones to watch your every move. With new technology shaping the way we live, we are so focused on how easy it makes our everyday lives, that we forget to realize that it is also making it easier for the people we don’t want watching us to monitor us. Computer hacking has become so common that security experts are now teaching computer safety self-defense classes. A startling 77% of people are convinced that they are safe from hackers when the reality is that only about 30% actually are. Our cell phones and computers are the windows into our lives and some of us just don’t understand how to close the blinds.
Recently, an episode of The Tyra Show brought on a family who had been victimized by cell phone stalkers. A family was being stalked by a man who used the family’s cell phones to toy with them. He would activate the camera on the family’s phones and be able to see where they were, what they were wearing, and who they were with. He would then call their cell phones and threaten the family and friends of the family. This is becoming more and more common. The cell phones that we think make our lives so much easier are doing the exact opposite. We are at risk and many people are victims of cell-phone stalkers among many other technological related crimes. The victims of these crimes will not tell you that their lives are so much easier since they got their phone. They will tell you that their lives have become nightmares. Constantly worrying about who is watching them, never being able to gain self-esteem back after someone stuck a camera up their skirt and took a photo.
The amount of car accidents having to do with cell phones is ridiculous. The amount of victims from technological crimes is growing. The number of people who are safe from computer hackers is getting smaller and smaller. The crime rate is rising, and rapidly. The amount of criminals getting caught, however, isn’t as high. And yet we watch the shows, we buy the newest, top of the line cell phones with the built-in cameras. We spend thousands on computers but find ourselves taking them in to get the viruses cleaned once a month. In our search for technology that makes our lives simple, we are only adding to the amount of crime in our society. Simple has never been so complicated. Why don’t you try something different today? Do us all a favour, and hit the hard button instead. Wait until you get home to make your calls. Wait until after class to talk to your friends. Watch a different show, or don’t watch one at all. It really isn’t that much harder.
04.28.08
Tarzan and Jane
OHHHHKAY
Were you ever an ‘Aqua’ Fan? Because I was. I was a HUGE Aqua fan. I had their album. I listened to every song, every day, and sang along. I even created my own dance routines. I’m sure everyone (at least, all the girls) have done something like this before.
So today, I was on msn with good ol’ Jake, and we were youtubing (yes, it’s a verb) and came across a few Aqua videos, including Barbie Girl, Lollipop, and My Oh My (Classics). By fantastic luck, I discovered a video by an Aqua-imitating band called Toy Box. This video is to the song ‘Tarzan and Jane’.
This song is by far, the funniest song in the world. The lyrics are so terrible, and if you listen to the actual song, the stress they put on certain syllables makes the lyrics even worse. The great thing is that all of this ’suckyness’ creates the incredible hilarity of this song.
To fully understand the humour, you definitely have to see the video, not just hear the song.
Please… just watch this video. You can’t from the school though, which is unfortunate. Here are the lyrics, and the link for the video!!
Tarzan & Jane – Toy Box
Narrator: Deep in the jungle in the land of adventure lives Tarzan
Jane: I am Jane and I love to ride an elephant
Tarzan: My name is Tarzan I am jungle man
Jane: The tree tops swinger from jungle land
Tarzan: Come baby come I will take you for a swing
Jane: Let’s go honey I’m tinkeling
Jane: Tarzan is handsome Tarzan is strong
He’s really cute and his hair is long
Both: Tarzan is handsome Tarzan is strong
So listen to the jungle song
Tarzan: I am Tarzan from jungle you can be my friend
Jane: I am Jane and I love to ride an elephant
Tarzan: When you touch me I feel funny
Jane: I feel it too when you’re touching me
Tarzan: Come to my tree house to my party
Jane: Yes I’ll go if you carry me
Jane: Tarzan is handsome full of surprise
He’s really cute and his hair is nice
Both: Tarzan is handsome Tarzan is strong
So listen to the jungle song
Tarzan: I am Tarzan from jungle you can be my friend
Jane: I am Jane and I love to ride an elephant
Tarzan: Yeah
Go cheetah get banana
Hey monkey get funky
Jane: Swing along tarzan
Tarzan: Go cheetah get banana
Hey monkey get funky
Tarzan: When I am dancing I feel funky
Jane: Why do you keep ignoring me
Tarzan: Tarzan is here, come kiss me baby
Jane: Coochie coochie kiss me tenderly
Jane: Tarzan is handsome Tarzan is strong
Tarzan: (me Tarzan)
Jane: He’s really cute and his hair is long
Tarzan: (long hair)
Jane: Tarzan is handsome Tarzan is strong
So listen to the jungle song
Tarzan: I am Tarzan from jungle you can be my friend
Jane: I am Jane and I love to ride an elephant
Tarzan: You go
Go cheetah get banana
Hey monkey get funky
Jane: I am jane and I love to ride an elephant
Narrator: and so they got funky. But will Tarzan have Jane? Stay Tuned!
Yes, those are the lyrics. Combine those with some incredibly ‘funky’ dance moves, a jungle, some fake apes, elephants, and some incredibly sexual moments, and you have the ‘Tarzan and Jane’ video.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=P0aXY2pM2sA
Watch it.
04.14.08
Three Magical Mexicans
All these posts about dreams made me want to write about a recurring dream I have been having. I’m warning you right now… it does not make any sense. If you’re one of those people who has dream book and likes to analyze dreams… go ahead and analyze this one because part of me really wants to find out what it means! If this was any old dream that I have once and its gone, I wouldn’t care but I’ve had it three nights in a row! It’s messed…
So the dream begins on a beautiful island. It is filled with gorgeous trees, beautiful flowers and birds, and endless sunshine. All of my friends and family live on the island with me and we seem really happy to be there. The really cool thing about this island is that it is magically protected (seriously). Only people who are ‘meant’ to be there can be, and I’m pretty sure it’s like ‘MY’ island so only the people that I want to be around can actually live on this island. If anyone else tries to get inside, they get shot back out and magically transported to their hometown. Say for example Jake Scott and Scott Futher (who I don’t want on my island ever) decided to try and come for a visit, they would get shot back to Wellesley. Just kidding you guys are on my island
. Anyways… back to the actual island. It’s impossible to get into. Or so I thought…
So everyone on the island is grouped for dinner in the dining hall, and all of a sudden three Mexican drug smugglers magically appear in the dining hall. Everyone gets down on the ground and they kidnap me.
They take me to the middle of the desert and make me run around barefoot as they shoot the ground behind me, so that I run faster. Then they open up a vortex (yeah) and out come like 150 Mexican drug smugglers, into the middle of the desert. Then, the three magical ones set up a feast for them and create a cage out of thin air, and put me in it. I watch them eat and listen intently to their conversation. Somehow, I understood spanish. The Mexicans were convinced I didn’t understand it so they spoke freely about their plans. Apparently, I was the only one holding the magical protection over the island and only the three magical mexicans could get in and out. I guess the island is covered in plants that can be used to make some futuristic drug called ‘Salmanko’ (yeah, I don’t know why), and they can’t get to the plant unless I am off of the island. So they are planning to infiltrate the island now that my magical hold is not there, kill all my friends and family and take over the island and begin producing ‘Salmanko’. That’s really all I heard from the conversation but it was enough to put a fire under me. I knew I needed to save my family and friends.
In the middle of the night when all the Mexicans were sleeping, a spirit – the spirit of my mother (I guess she is dead in this dream) – comes to me and tells me that I have the magical ability to mentally communicate with someone on the island. Problem is, she doesn’t know who it is and I am supposed to ‘find the spiritual connection’. So all night, I’m searching for this ‘connection’. I try to talk with the likely people: my boyfriend, my best friends, and my aunt. However, I can’t communicate with any of these people. I try all night long, and go through every single person that I know is on the island, and can’t seem to find a connection with any of them. As the sun was rising and I’m beginning to lose hope, I remembered about the exile. On the island there’s one person who I originally planted on the island but decided he wasn’t worthy… so instead of sending him back home I exiled him. The exile is my dad, which I’m sure has some sort of symbolic meaning… but anyways. I try to contact him and somehow manage to make a connection with him. I tell him all about the Three Magical Mexicans and their plans to take over the island. I end up leaving the fate of my island in his hands. I don’t know what he does or how he does it, but the next thing that happens in the dream is the battle. I suppose he got everyone together for the battle with the Mexicans, and managed to get guns and swords. I’m not involved in the battle as I am still stuck in my cage in the desert… but I watch the battle through my father’s eyes and somehow none of my friends or family get hurt. So next thing I know all the Mexicans are dead and I’m back on the island and my dad isn’t in exile anymore. The witch who cast the protection spell over the island increases its strength and we cut down all the Salmanko plants and put them in the ocean so that no one can ever get addicted to this drug.
Wierd… I know.